The Dull Are Always the Last to Know
Okay, friends and neighbors, take a good look at the young man to the left. You probably think a lot of things, foremost of which is, why would a man that big risk wearing a white suit when there are still crazy guys with Ahab complexes running around Humboldt brandishing harpoons?
How would you describe this fellow? Foolish? Delusional? Outlandish? Daring? About to drop his guitar?
How about: Bland. Dull. Boring. Colorless. Sedate.
Strangely, few people--other than myself--have ever described me in those terms. I sometimes call myself "a dull and stupid man" more as an ironic moniker. Foolish? YOu betcha. But not clueless.
Yet recently I overheard a female describing me as "bland and dull," or something to that effect. Me? Little old me? The man whose very voice can anger judges? The guy who stands up in the courtroom and the whole place stops because I have a loud voice, a God-given eloquence, and a penchant for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time?
Most people--okay, let's get to the nubbin'--most women react to me with either a frightened disdain or a puzzled attraction. The one thing I can honestly say is that I never leave them tepid. Love me or hate me--the poll numbers are trending toward the latter these days--I don't seem to inspire disinterest on a "dull" level.
So I was somewhat puzzled by this comment which I was not meant to overhear. At least, I hope I was not meant to overhear this.
Contemporaneous with this little stilletto in my child's heart, I read a blog by a very talented young lady, referred to me by a poet friend of mine whose judgment I trust. This blog, wicked and funny and furious, talked about her unfortunate experience with a young man who thought himself "gansta" and "pimp." This young fool actually tuned up his lips and said to this lovely girl, "You're the kind of girl I wouldn't look at twice on the street yet I still hang out with you, so it must be love." Yikes! This passes for foreplay these days, I suppose.
The blog went on to catalogue some of his crimes--he hit her in a cab, which is absolutely unacceptable, pimp or no pimp. He also gave her a loathsome disease from which she, fortunately, was able to recover.
Yes, of course, this guy was good looking. He was "exciting." A bad boy. SExy and dangerous.
Oh, yes, and an asshole.
I dunno. Those who have read this blog for the last five or six years know that I, too, have had my troubles, and the occasional ex girlfriend will guest star in the comments box about what a terrible person I am. But dude, I never hit a woman, never gave one a loathsome disease. I've said some amazingly stupid things to women to make them mad--guilty on that score--but for the most part it was my cluelessness, not my cruelty that induced me to open my mouth. I would never, ever, ever tell a woman with whom I was intimate that somehow she was not attractive. Not before, not during, not after. Not even after we break up.
I guess that makes me dull after all, eh? But women, oh women, I ask you: It might be fun to think about living on the roller coaster, but where would you put your dishes?
Sigh. Well. I guess I've been single and celibate for this long, long period of time now because, at heart, I am a very dull person. I spend Friday nights reading, not drinking. I don't wake with a hangover or in a jail cell. I'm not juggling three women at once and trying to keep them from my wife. I'm not full of penicillin from my last innoculation from my last indiscretion. And no motorcycle gangs are looking to kill me because I burned them on a drug deal.
Nope. I am definitely not "pimp." No wonder this woman thought I was "bland." Sigh.
16 comments:
Oh Mark! "Dull and Bland???" HELL NO! I have been reading your blog for a bit now and have never felt the need to make a comment until now. Mostly, I find myself checking in on you ever week or so just to see what end of the spectrum your emotions are located. It is like a crazy addiction...maybe it is because you are this unique open book who shares feelings to which most people can relate. Maybe because I'm amazed that you ARE single...geez...don't women love "open books?" Anyway...no, Mark...no one with any sense could ever call you "dull and bland!"
I, also, am amazed I'm single. Most of the women who know me, curiously, don't find it that puzzling. Sigh. But thanks for the support.
Ahhh....maybe you share more on "paper" than in person? I think that is why I like writing blogs, poetry, songs, stories...so safe...
could be. I've noticed that people who lead interesting lives tend to be dull writers. a life of the mind? who can say?
Your writing reminds me of something I read by the philospher, Will Durant ..."The most interesting thing in the world is another human being who wonders, suffers and raises the questions that have bothered him to the last day of his life, knowing he will never get the answers."
Maybe interesting people don't necessarily lead "interesting" lives?????
Or perhaps intere3sting is in the heart of the beholder
It doesn't take hitting a woman or giving her some terrible disease to be a jerk. And being clueless can also lead to being cruel. You say a lot of women are of the same opinion . . . maybe you should listen to them for a change.
Okay...forget what I said about blogging being "safe"...that last post sounds personal!
I am used to the comments from this anonymous person being personal. I think I know who this person is, but on the other hand I could be very wrong. This person, who consistently berates me for my lack of sincerity and courage, never has the sincerity or courage to tell me who they are. sigh. still, a good friend of mine once told me that people will either love me or hate me--I don't seem to inspire indifference. which can be a good thing or a sad thing.
on the other hand, I, myself, have noted that many of the women I know do not seem surprised about my present single life, so perhaps they are just trying to be helpful. In a passive-aggressive manner.
This is the first blog I've ever read...never thought about how using "anonymous" can keep someone from taking responsibility for their comments. I made those first three comments because I really did like your writing. You've inspired me to write a blog, too, and share my poetry and stories. I learned a long time ago that people love to "fix" others so they don't have to work on themselves : ) I wouldn't put much energy into what other people think you should or shouldn't do. You have a great way with words! Thanks for sharing them!
You said you would not tell any woman that you have been with that she is unattractive? What sort of picture you do paint when you refer to her as The Devil?
You are just as cruel as "the pimp" that you feel so superior about. The bottom line: you and the pimp love to hurt women, you get off on it.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
(Not) Sleeping with the Devil
Flew down to LA this weekend for what was supposed to be a joyous reunion with the person I have previously referred to in this blog as "my crazy ex." Henceforth, she will only be known as "The Devil." And I'm sure that'll get a rise out of her but, really, I don't care.
So I'm no longer going to deal with The Devil. I paid lots of $$ for a plane ticket to see The Devil. Sadly, the airlines have no direct flights to Hell. We book that passage on our own
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
On another front, the Devil has decided she no longer wants to play the "who can send the angriest email" game anymore. She sent what she thought was the final salvo--an email I'd sent her asking what her schedule was the weekend I was flying down there--as some sort of a "gotcha." I'm not sure what the "gotcha" was. That I was asking for her company instead of assuming she was my bitch? Anyway, after sending the email, she blocked my screen name from sending email back. Very Chickenshit, very cowardly.
Which didn't stop me from having the last word. She forgot one of my screen names. So I carefully went into every one and blocked her email, then sent one final message, saying what I said in the paragraph above and ending with, "Now have a nice life, you hear?" The Devil hates it when I don't really rage against her. Thinks that the brimstone is not having an effect.
Meanwhile, I've removed her number from my cell. Weird. After four years of emotional abuse, lying, manipulation--and, let's face it, great sex--it's kind of sad that it's ending like this. I feel like a prisoner let out of jail after a long stay. I'm not sure I can make it on the outside, but I suppose I have no choice.
Well, that particular woman, who has an MFA in poetry, recently told me that it was somewhat flattering to be called The Devil, as the devil was usually the most interesting character.
And, of course, you didn't really read the blog, did you? You didn't see the BS that I went through with her at that point.
FYI, she and I now have a sedate and friendly relationship. But we are no longer engaging in the toxicity that defined our ill-attempted romance.
ONe last thing, "anonymous"...it's interesting that you don't include the blog in which I apologize to her for calling her "The Devil." So who is being disingenuous now, eh?
You are just a typical bully. "I hit her, she really liked it and later we laughed about it." Do yourself a favor and get some help.
Wow, you are really a sick puppy, Anonymous. I did NOT hit ANYONE. You, on the other hand, seem to enjoy sniping from the bushes. I have the number of a very good therapist if you ever want to get to your inner devil to figure out why you are such a horrible person.
Wow - for someone that doesn't care what the anonymous posters on this blog write about him, you sure spent a lot of time writing about us. Well . . . Guess what? There are at least two anonymous people posting here - or three if you look at the different attitudes of the posts. Personally, I think you're a total narcissist . . . you can't spell, your self-published book is crap, you're not the least bit attractive, you are clueless when it comes to women and relationships as evidenced by your lack of a relationship and your general attitude towards women. I'd say you borderline on being a misogynist. This blog is nothing more than you trying to make yourself sound like a whole, healthy, interesting individual. As a matter of fact, I've never seen so much self-promotion for a nobody online in my life. Google your name and you're everywhere . . . and most of it's been posted by YOU.
And for someone who sounds like they think I am a terrible human being, you seem to be obsessed with me...
BTW, I know there are other, more mentally healthy people who post as "anonymous." However, most of them--and some who don't post comments--have all told me that they think you are a fool.
I still say, Anonymous Hater, that you are a coward for not posting your identity. And until you do, everyone else will think so, too.
Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!
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